I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
