im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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