3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
