At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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