I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
