I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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