Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
