Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
