You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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