so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
