Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
