On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
