someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
