when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
