i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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