you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
