i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
