just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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