Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
