You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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