just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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