I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
