Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize