Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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