Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
