My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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