I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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