If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize