and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
