Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
