dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
