and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
