hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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