Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
