The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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