i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i love accidental penises.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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