Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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