She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
