You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
