a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize