Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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