my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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