first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
