Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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