She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
