Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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