Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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