can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
