I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
