Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
