I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
