OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
