direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
