Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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