I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
