I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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