I hate all girls vehemently.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
