hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
