so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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