Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
