You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
