Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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