HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
