You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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