If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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